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Pokemon Parodies
The Hunt for the Red Gyrados Narrator: One day in Twinleaf Town, the sun was shining, the Starlys were chirping, and OH GOD WHAT'S THAT?! Barry: Outta my way, beeotches, Barry comin' through! Dawn: Dafuq, Barry, what was that for? Barry: Oh, sorry Dawn, sorry fo' nothin'! C'mon, we're gonna go down to the lake! Dawn: Oh Barry, how sudden... Barry: We're gonna go look for a giant red Gyrados! Dawn: Wait, what, oh, nevermind. Barry: C'mon, stop draggin' yo' lazy ass and hurry up! Dawn: F-k him, f-k him hard. Barry: Hey, Dawn! Y'know that's a nice beaver, there. Dawn: I know... Barry: No, I mean that Bidoof over there! Dawn:Just shut up already! Boy: You know how gay this looks, right, proffessor? Old Man: Not gay, more like child molestation! Boy: Oh well, so how's it feel to be back in Sinnoh? Old Man: Like F-ing your mom, I mean, like cuddly puppies. Boy: Well, that's nice. Real nice. Old Man: Well we should get going to my apartment, I mean, laboratory. Barry: Metapod, use harden! Dawn: Vulvar, use splash! Boy: What the devil was that? Old Man: How profane, I should be watching! Barry: Now, Metapod, use string shot! Old Man: Excuse me, but what is it that you're doing? Dawn: Acting out the definition of being straight. Old Man: Well that's proposterous. Anyways, how did you teach that Bidoof splash? Dawn: Action Replay. Old Man: You know, that really takes out the point of this game, ecspecially so early on. Dawn: Eh, it's a living. Old Man: Oh well, out of our way. We're going to the backseat of my big white van, I mean, to Sandgem Town! Yeah, that's what I meant! Dawn: Have fun with that. Barry: So, let's go look for that Gyrados. Dawn: I hate to break it to you, Barry, but I don't think this lake has Gyrados. Barry: Does it have Magikarp? Dawn: Well, probably... Barry: And what does Magikarp evolve into? Dawn: Gyrados, but that doesn't... Barry: Well it's settled! Dawn: But how did the Magikarp evolve? By splashing on Trainers until they somehow leveled up to Level 20? Barry: Silly Dawn, Pokemon don't make people wet, people make Pokemon wet! Silly Dawn. Dawn: You're hopeless, you know that, right? When you get married and then divorced, your kids will stay with your ex and they'll be like: "Mommy, why can't we see Daddy?", and she'll be like: "Because he's too stupid, now eat your vegetables!" Barry: But that's like fifteen years from now! Dawn: Oh my f-ing Palkia! You son of of Kangaskhan f-ing female Houndoom! Why don't you just take your Slugma and cut it off with a Haxorus! Barry: But Haxorus hasn't been discovered yet. Dawn: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... Dawn: And I will take your house and burn it down with a Charizard! Barry: But that's not very nice. Dawn: Know what? Shut it, ya hear me? SHUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Barry: Oh hey look, those two gay guys left their man purse in the tall grass! Dawn: That's a satchel. Barry: Yeah! a man purse! Dawn: Holy mother of Dialga, what have I gotten myself into? Barry: The tall grass! Dawn: Pardon? Barry: The tall grass! You stepped into the tall grass! Now grab the man purse and let's go- Oh f-k that idea! Look at those Poke Balls! Dawn: But they're not ours... Barry: Poke Balls! Hurry up and take one so I can get the one stronger than yours! Dawn: But I don't wanna... Barry: Hurry up and do it or we won't do the mouth-thingy again! Dawn: You mean a blow- Barry: Yeah! The mouth-thingy! Dawn: Holy Geodude, fine! I get Piplup. Barry: Then I get Turtwig! You know, I just want to cuddle with it and take its- OH HOLY CRAP WILD POKEMON! Starly 1: Starly! Starly 2: Pidgey! Starly 1: Dude, wrong Pokemon! We're supposed to be Starly! Starly 2: Oops, my bad. But it's really starting to get hard to tell. I mean, with Hoothoot, and Tailow, and now this... Barry: Are those Pokemon... talking? Starly 1: No, we're, wait, I mean, chirp? Barry: Fair enough. Let's kill 'em! Go, Turtwig, use tackle! Starly 1: You know, technically, you don't kill us, you just beat us 'till we faint. And tackle is really weak, I mean you can't easily kill something unless they're Level Two... OH MY GOD I'M LEVEL 2!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Turtwig: Turtwig Smash! Starly 2: Fred? Fred? Speak to me Fred! No, this can't be happening! I will avenge our Pidgey race! Starly 1: Starly race. Starly 2: Yeah, Starly race! I will become the Legendary Super Starly, right after burying you. Starly 1: But I'm still alive- Starly 2: No talking! I'm burying you! Starly 1: Oh, not again. Dawn: I'm deeply confused here. Barry: Just kill the retarded one with your Piplup, already, Dawn. Dawn: Wait, you or the Starly who thinks he's a Pidgey? Barry: Um, pie? Dawn: Works for me! Piplup, go! Use pound! Wreak your unholy wrath! Kill them and feed their livers to their families! Starly 2: Pardon? Narrator: And that is the end of the Hunt for the Red Gyrados. Tune in next time for- Barry: But we didn't find the Red Gyrados! Narrator: That's because you never do! We could continue, but you'll only see the gay guys again! Barry: We can end here. Narrator: And that's the end of our program! The Daycare Center Dawn: Mighty fine business ya got here. Daycare Man: Yes, ma'am. We're the best bunch of folk that can make Pokemon f-k each other that there is! Dawn: But Pokemon don't do that, there's no proof... Daycare Man: Aw, shut up! This isn't cheesy censorship to stop ten-year-olds from finding the truth of their sexuality, this is the real deal! Dawn: So, you make Pokemon f-k each other...? Daycare Man: Yep, and I take videos. Wanna watch? Dawn: No thanks, I have better things to do than watch Pokeporn. Barry: I'd like to have a look at those mighty fine videos! Daycare Woman: Carl! Please tell me you're not tryin' to get people to watch the videos! Daycare Man: No, I'm not, Barbara! Git off my back! Daycare Woman: I don't go on your back, I go on your lap! Daycare Man: Not in front of the children, honey! Dawn: So, anyways, can you raise one of my Pokemon? Daycare Man: Sure, which one? Dawn: Well, let's see, I have Prinplup, Vulvar, and Pidgeotto... Daycare Man: But you don't find those in the Sinnoh region. Dawn: Staravia! Whatever! So, how about my Vulvar? Daycare Man: Well, that's one nice beaver ya got there. Dawn: Excuse me? Daycare Man: Well, your Vulvar's a Bibarel! Dawn: Right... Barry: I'll put in my Metapod! Dawn: It still hasn't evolved? Barry: I gave it an Everstone! Dawn: Where'd you put it? It has no arms! Narrator: The world may never know... Daycare Man: Well, I can watch 'em, but these two ain't gonna hitch it off, if ya know what I mean. Dawn: What do you mean? Daycare Man: Well, they're not in da same egg group as each other. Dawn: So? Daycare Man: So even if they do do Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow, they ain't gonna make no egg. Barry: Oh yeah? Daycare Man: Yeah. Barry: Oh yeah? Daycare Man: Yeah. Barry: Well, what if I told you that I have the Action Replay? Daycare Man: Then I'd say you're ruining yer adventure. Barry: But that's the best part. Daycare Man: Oh well, if ya want me too raise yer Pokemon, go talk t' me wife. Dawn: So, ma'am, we'd like to deposit some Pokemon into your fine establishment. Daycare Woman: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! SPEAK UP!!! Dawn: I said we'd like to deposit some Pokemon! Daycare Woman: NO THANKS, I GIVE CARL THE MOUTH-THINGY EVERY NIGHT!!! Barry: SHE SAID THAT WE WANT TO DEPOSIT SOME POKEMON! Daycare Woman: OKAY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!!! WHAT POKEMON WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEPOSIT?! Barry: WE'D LIKE TO DEPOSIT A METAPOD AND A BIBAREL! Daycare Woman: SURE THING, SWEETY! Daycare Woman: NOW, I'LL BE SURE TO LET YOU KNOW IF YOUR POKEMON GET IT ON! Barry: COOL! CAN YOU TAKE VIDEOS?! Daycare Woman: ASK CARL! Daycare Man: WHAT DO YOU WANT?! Barry: CAN YOU TAKE A VIDEO OF OUR POKEMON DOING IT?! Daycare Man: WELL OF COURSE! I'D DO THAT EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO! Barry: Well, that was refreshing. Hey, Dawn! What do you want to do now? Dawn: Aren't you supposed to be my rival? Barry: I don't even know. This series just isn't the same as Kanto. Dawn: Like you'd know about Kanto! Barry: I do know about Kanto! Dawn: What do you know about Kanto? Barry: That the women there give much better mouth-thingies than you! Audience: OOOOOOOHHHHHH!!! Dawn: Since when did we have an audience? Barry: Since when were you a slut and I boisterous dumb ass who likes to get laid? This is a parody for crying out loud! Dawn: Way to break the fourth wall. Now Nemesis is gonna be crying about his childhood being ruined even more now. Barry: Well who gives a crap? We aren't even real! If electricity was lost, then this entire site would be gone forever. Dawn: True, true. Barry: So, that means we're virtual. Dawn: And? Barry: Well, can I have a virtual mouth-thingy? Dawn: Anytime, Barry. Just say the word and I'll come over. Anytime. Pikachu, Use Thunderfuck! Narrator: It was an average day in the small town of Pallet Town, with only two houses and a labratory. Yet somehow, hundreds of people were surrounding the non-existent platform where the newest Pokemon trainers would appear. All ten year old children were there, everyone except Ash Ketchum. Ash: Fuck yeah, mm, yeah, mm, ohh! Ash's mom: Ash! It's 7:43! You're supposed to be getting your Pokemon right now! Ash: Sorry mom, I've been masturbating on a Lopunny for three hours now. Ash's mom: Well pull your pants up and go and get your Pokemon! Ash: Five more minutes please: I've almost reached my seventy-fifth orgasm! Ash's mom: You can do that later. Go get your Pokemon! Ash: Fine... Ash: Am I too late? Prof. Oak: The giant orgy was over two hours ago. Ash: Not the orgy, the Pokemon! Prof. Oak: A Poke orgy? Ash: No! Prof. Oak: Oh, you want a Pokemon! Ash: Yes, I would like to summon a Pokemon out of one of your balls, please. Prof. Oak: Sorry, the other three trainers did that already. Ash: Don't you have anymore? Prof. Oak: Well, I do have a Pikachu, but he hasn't been the same ever since I violated him, err, I mean, taught him how to use Thunder Shock. Ash: Oookay. Prof. Oak: So, you want it? Ash: Yes please! Prof. Oak: That'll be three thousand Poke Dollars. Ash: But I thought they were free! Prof. Oak: This isn't a charity case, this isn't a child's video game, this is business! Cold, hard business! Now give me my money! Ash: But I only have five. Prof. Oak: Well, if you throw in a BJ and maybe some cowboy buttsex, then you've got yourself a deal. Ash: Thank you mister! Prof. Oak: No, thank you. Here's your Pikachu. Now remember, if he ever starts shocking you, that means he's horny. I suggest rubbing him vigorously in the clitoris. Ash: But isn't it a guy? Prof. Oak: Listen, son, God doesn't make us all perfect. Some Pokemon are born with the wrong genetalia, and that is just fine. If you can't appreciate it, then I don't think you deserve him. Ash: I appreciate him! Prof. Oak: Then go on, eat him out. Ash: What? Prof. Oak: You know, Australian kiss with him. It's like French kissing but in the down under. Ash: Australian, French, what are these places? I only know Kanto, Jotoh, Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Unovah. Prof. Oak: What about the Pokemon Ranger places? Ash: Who gives a crap about Pokemon Ranger? Prof. Oak: Oh, well then, I guess they won't save your sorry ass next time a Diglet gets shoved up it. Ash: Language! Running Gags *In Sinnoh, Starly's, Staravia's, and Staraptor's are always confused with Pidgey's, Pidgeotto's, and Pidgeot's respectively. *Bidoof's and Bibarel's that have female owners are called beavers. Category:Gozon Category:Humor Category:Pokemon Category:Parody Category:Roman FTW